What Is An Emotional Toolbox

What is this “Emotional Toolbox” thing?

So have you ever heard of an Emotional Toolbox? No, ok well I’ll let you in on the secret…. It’s a metaphorical toolbox…. Wait for it… for your emotions (mic drop)!  Just kidding, but really when someone says they are building their emotional toolbox it means that they are collecting a variety of coping, communication and life skills (tools) in a way that they are able to easily access and use them (toolbox) in challenging situations.

I often will say to clients “you can’t show up to every situation with a hammer….eventually your going to break more then you fix.”   Now my late grandfather may have argued that the exception to the metaphor would be duck tape… but no…

Ok so what does this look like.  Well, using the above metaphor, lets say every time there is a conflict you eventually tap out, end the conversation and pull the “silent treatment” until your partner apologizes.  Is this effective… sure… until it isn’t. That’s your hammer!  One day you are going to do that and you aren’t going to get the outcome you desire.  So building our toolbox is saying that in a conflict I am going to try using multiple techniques to manage my emotions and mitigate the conflict.

Examples you ask, well of course!

Couples Examples could look like:

• Deep Breathing

• Taking a Time Out

• Speaking about what you need vs the problem

• Highlighting what the other has done right before you express your concern

Individual Examples could look like:

• Deep Breathing

• Going for a walk

• Calling a friend

• Journaling

So if you feel like your engaging with yourself or others in the same way then its a good sign that we got to build up your toolbox! Not sure how or where to start… well that’s where you, me and therapy might come in handy!

Until next time friends!

Cassaundra